Mail Order Family and the American Way

The constitutionality of California's Prop 8 is being argued again in federal court. Charles Cooper, the lawyer for the pro-Prop 8, anti-gay marriage side of the case, is arguing that the point of marriage is procreation, and since the gays can't do that without help, their relationships shouldn't be called marriage. Amidst a treasure trove of similar inanities, Cooper has given us this gem: "The clear reason for marriage is that sexual relationships produce children."

Well.

My husband and I have a sexual relationship that has never, and will never, produce children. It's nice to know that our marriage is purposeless in Mr. Cooper's view.

Our pointless marriage is going on five years now. We have built, and continue to build, a life together, just like our gay friends who are in committed relationships. We have supported each other through unemployment, poverty, career changes, illness, good fortune and bad, and yes, infertility. We are best friends, we hold each other up when things just fucking suck, and in my husband's words, one of us is always the light. But, you know, Chuck's probably right. Without procreation, we're just playing house.

I should say that plans are in the works for a baby, albeit one that will only carry one of our sets of chromosomes. More than three years after we found out that my husband was infertile, we are following the lead of the lesbians and placing an order with the sperm bank. We've chosen a donor based on his exceptionally good family health history and his wordy, funny profile. He wishes to remain anonymous, though he says he may change his mind. If so, it would be up to our child to track him down when she reaches 18, if she so chooses. But make no mistake; this donor will be the father, but he will not be the dad.

Some people think we should adopt instead, some people think we should accept God's will, which is clearly for us to be childless. And some people are so excited for us that they can hardly wait. Some people have told us what great parents we will be, they've prayed for us and made art for us and sent so much love our way that it makes me hopeful and helps give me faith that this will work, that four years after we started trying to have a baby, it will happen for us. We've talked and dreamed about this for so long, and now this first attempt is only weeks away.

And here's the thing. My husband and I, as we are right now, just the two of us, we're a family. Our marriage is not perfect, it is messy and we get pissed off and frustrated and slam doors and stomp up the stairs and bitch at each other and laugh together every single day and have dance parties in the kitchen to Lady Gaga and love one another unconditionally. Our child will join our family, with its imperfections, and he will be his own person, with his own thoughts and feelings and beliefs. But we will introduce him to all of the wonderful family and friends that we are lucky enough to know and love, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Native American, black, white, Asian, Latino, gay and straight, and he will have the extreme good fortune of getting to know all of those awesome people who will welcome and love him.

That may not be Charles Cooper's idea of family values, but I happen to believe that love is greater than fear and bigotry. Otherwise, what's the point?

The Haters

So prominent "Christian" Pat Robertson has determined that the earthquake and consequent horrifying suffering in Haiti is due to their "pact with the devil", i.e. the voodoo ritual that was performed before the slave revolution in the early 1800s. I guess God would agree that revenge is a dish best served cold, according to the illustrious Rev.

This man is a douchebag. And while he is being roundly condemned in the media and by many, many pastors and priests, I know that there are plenty of people who think he's right on.

Let me just say that I am not a fan of organized religion in general. I think that too often, it is used to justify hatred, violence, oppression and intolerance. I'm not opposed to Jesus, but I find many of his followers nauseating.

I don't claim to be an expert on the Bible, but I have read enough to know that Jesus was the original bleeding heart liberal. He talked a lot about kindness, caring for the poor, reaching out to those in need. He also, if I recall correctly, made it a point to say that one should not be talking shit about "God's Will" and taking it upon himself of herself to determine whose misfortune is a result of punishment for their wicked, wicked ways.

I am incredibly sick of people who split their time between proclaiming their superior Christian-ness and spewing hate. I know too many people like this and I want to punch them in the throat. Not very Christian of me, either, but then I'm not pretending to be the Supergirl of Holier Than Thou. As my mother likes to say, "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car." How 'bout a little more "Love thy neighbor" and "Judge not, lest ye be judged", and a little less "Yer goin' to hell, sinner!" Just a thought.

And regarding Haiti, since no one ever comments here I have no idea how many readers I have. But I know I have 510 views on my profile, so someone's reading. I posted this link on Facebook this morning and I'll put it here too. Partners in Health has people and facilities already established and on the ground in Haiti, and they do really good work. I know that some people are running donation drives on their blogs, where they donate so much money for every comment they get. I wish I could do that, too, but I want to at least put this link up. I urge everyone to click on the link and donate, even if it's just $10. It adds up, and since PIH is already established, more of your money will go to the people who need it, rather than to setting up an infrastructure for the org. Thanks.

Photo taken from hotindienews.com

Is laziness a symptom of sunstroke?

I should really be studying for my last exam right now, but dammit, I spent the morning eating cinnamon rolls and drinking coffee with three of my fellow students out on our brand new deck under the pretense of going over our group project, and nothing will kill your motivation to memorize vaccination schedules and childhood disease like the combination of sunshine, caffeine and 4000 grams of sugar. You'd think it would be the opposite, right? It's not.

It's hard to believe the first year of school is over. I'm halfway done! I'm pretty much completely dreading this fall, as third semester seems to be the most hellacious, according to everyone who's been through it. I do love being in school, but that's not to say that there's not a ton of bullshit that comes along with it, and it often makes me pissy. I'm happy to have my internship this summer and I'm hoping that I'll love it so much that it will keep me motivated through the next year. That might be a tall order.

On an entirely different note, I'm debating chopping my hair off again. I want to go back to the pixie cut I had my last summer in Boston. It was freaking adorable. I had one picture of myself during that time; it was on my old laptop and it failed to occur to this idiot to save it to my flash drive when I wiped my hard drive clean. So you'll just have to take my word for it.

Dog and Pony Show

So, like just about everyone else with a blog and two sentences to string together, I want to write about Susan Boyle. Susan Boyle, she of the unkempt eyebrows and stunning vocal talent, who has been all over the news this week for, apparently, shocking the hell out of everyone with the news that physically "unattractive" people aren't totally worthless.

There are a number of approaches to take with this story. This is a really great piece about how satisfying it is to watch all of those rude, smug, eyerolling motherfuckers have those smirks wiped right off their faces as soon as she opens her mouth. And there is a lot of truth to that, and she's right, there's something very inspirational about watching it happen.

But here's what's chapping my ass about this story: the fact that international news has been made by the idea that this woman is an "unlikely talent" because she isn't pretty and she's older and she's kind of awkward. In some of the news coverage, she's presented as something akin to a dog that can do trigonometry, like some kind of astonishing conundrum. Which is so unbelievably offensive and such a depressing statement on what we as a society value and how we make snap judgments on the worth of another human being.

The fact that all of those people were scoffing at Susan Boyle, ready to dismiss her without hearing one single note of her singing is fucking gross. And not one of those judges, who were rolling their eyes and reacting in exactly the same way as the teenage mean girls in the audience before she started singing, expressed any shame at their shallow judgment of her; their comments after the song all equate to, "Wow, good for you for having something so amazing to offer, who'd have guessed."

I guess success is the best revenge and it's not like anyone would actually expect any of those shallow tools to engage in anything approximating serious soul-searching, but it would be nice to see some kind of reflection on why this story has become international news. It says so much more about our values than it does about Susan Boyle. But in any case, I hope she becomes incredibly rich and famous and stays true to herself, and only waxes her eyebrows if it's what she really wants to do.

Boo, you sumbitch.

So a lot of people think redneck when they think northern Wisconsin. It's an unfair and unfortunate word association, and I know an awful lot of very awesome people here in town that do not have even the slightest redneck tendencies. However, you can always find someone in any demographic who is just chomping at the bit to confirm any negative stereotypes, and I have to say that while Ashland wouldn't qualify for the title of Home of the Good Ol' Boy, we're not exactly short on the Yeehaw People. Example: Kevin goes to school with someone who served in Iraq, who uses the very offensive term "hajji" at least twice a day, among other racist slurs, who thought it would be the height of comedy gold to dress up as a suicide bomber for Halloween. Even better, he won a prize, voted by other students, for that costume. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I'm a little cranky this morning.

Things that irk me:
1. People who lecture others on subjects they have only the thinnest understanding of. Please, know your subject matter before you start expounding. Or at least admit that you only know a little bit about it and be willing to recognize you may be wrong. And no, I'm not just talking about Sarah Palin this time, although she could use someone with her at all times to whisper "Psst, shut the fuck up, you sound like a moron," when, say, she starts telling third graders that the vice president is in charge of the Senate and gets to make policy. For example.

2. Similar vein, different approach, people who act all snippy and annoyed when working with or training in someone who has no prior experience in whatever it is they're doing, because the trainee does not have an inherent expertise. Thursday night, my second night at work, I had a woman, we'll call her Broomhilda, training me. She seemed to think that "training" consists of rolling her eyes when told I had never done this kind of work before, telling me she did not have time to explain why she did certain things (then, later, saying "Ask if you have a question, I'm not going to bite your head off." I composed a lengthy and expletive-laden response to this obvious lie, but bit my tongue), talking to me like I was a drooling idiot, and essentially treating me like shit for eight hours. It was a lot of fun and excellent for my self-confidence. When, against every instinct and desire in my body, I dragged myself back to work last night, I was told that this is how Broomhilda treats almost everyone, which made me feel slightly better.

3. Tom Brokaw. I just can't stand his voice or his tiny, tiny eyes.

4. Undecided voters. If you can't make a decision between Obama and McCain, two people who are VERY VERY different, 9 days before the election, I kind of have to wonder who holds your gum for you while you walk.