procrastiwhining

I should really be working on a care plan right now. It's not due til the 9th, but it would be really nice to get it in early. But spending the morning hanging out in the local coffee shop plus a snowstorm, which always makes me feel really lazy, has left me disinclined to do much more than poke around on the Internet, where apparently everyone is pregnant or has a gorgeous new baby.

So, okay. Objectively, it is really good to not have children while we're in school. It makes things so much easier, and I know this. Believe me, I know this. But. It's getting really really hard to see all of these people I know who are pregnant and having kids left and right. I'm super happy for all of them, I really am. I've put a lot of effort into not turning into someone who resents those who get pregnant at the drop of a condom or already have the family they want. I'm thrilled that people I care about are happy.

I don't idealize parenthood, by any means. I know it often sucks and is beyond hard. I've seen the screeching tantrums in the grocery store. That's not the point. It's deeper than that and impossible to explain to someone who doesn't already know what it's like. I don't really expect anyone to get it otherwise; I certainly wouldn't have. I try to let the stupid comments roll off my back, unless they're just really blindingly ignorant.

Frankly, sometimes I'm glad we don't have anyone to take care of, like when I was sick last week. Sometimes I don't think about it at all. But a lot of the time, it just feels so glaringly obvious that something's missing.